Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
