Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
