he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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