Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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