I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
