Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
