He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
