this boner is exhausting
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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