Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this boner is exhausting
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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