tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
