i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
