I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize