you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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