I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
