He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
