glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
