Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
