This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
