I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
