i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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