he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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