that's what penises do
they tell lies.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need moral support for this bender
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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