In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
