Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
