i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
