i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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