I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
