who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
