i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
