So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
