don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
