i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
