You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
