i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
