I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
