I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
