Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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