Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
