Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize