If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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