First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
