I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
