i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The power of my boobs compel you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
