Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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