Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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