she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
