Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
