No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
