I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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