Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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