we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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