I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
