i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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