My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
