Say something about gay babies.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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