I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
