this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize