I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
