Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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