I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
