Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
