Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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