So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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