Don't you send me to vm
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
