your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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