Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
